it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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