it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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