foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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