My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
