is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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