He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize