i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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