Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
