I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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