peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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