the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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