I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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