All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize