I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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