He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
