Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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