Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
