i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
