Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I smell like Dick and happiness
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
