I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize