the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
