the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize