you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
