I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
