if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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