i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
