God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
