dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
