I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
