Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
