You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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