Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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