Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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