Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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