No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
