My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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