what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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