he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
