Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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