Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Text me some of your sweat
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