Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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