these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
