i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
