i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
