you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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