I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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