You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize