My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
