Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
