I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
