Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
