a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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