I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
