I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
