This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
