Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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