I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize