I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
