if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Congratulations! We have a period
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize