It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
