And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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