Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
