Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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