Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
