So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Randomize
