Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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