The beer is more important than you right now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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