i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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