dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
