You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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