I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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