I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize