He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
