How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Rumble strips road head = magical
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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