If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
